Tag Archives: election

Why Donald Trump will win the 2016 U.S. presidential election

Donald Trump is a shopkeeper, our country is a child of a nation of shopkeepers, and if there was a time in which we needed a shopkeeper to run this country, now is it.

As everyone knows, the only qualification you need to run for the office of the President of The United States of America is a desire to be President of The United States of America. There is no trade to master, certificate to test for, or college degree to study for. You just want to have to do it.

However, there are many qualities that are very handy to have if you are running for President of The United States of America. It is handy if you have had some exposure to things like large organizations, working on committees, planning, and explaining yourself when things don’t go as planned. But the most handy skill to have if you are a politician is the ability to explain why you need more money, how you’re going to spend it, and where the hell it all went, and Donald has that in spades.

That skill is going to become more and more critical going forward. Why? Because the 2015 estimate of the total costs of the $100 billion war we were promised in 2003 are currently hovering around $3.375 trillion dollars in 2014. That hasn’t really gotten too much press, because it’s a major downer.

For that kind of money, people could have accidents on Mars instead of having to watch a movie about people having accidents on Mars and still have almost $2.9 trillion left over to spend on things like education, environmental cleanup, jump-starting a non-carbon fuel market, basic science funding, a degrading infrastructure, and maybe a few pork-barrel projects.

Of course, we also all know we didn’t spend that money on those things because we spent it on the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, which is why there was so much pearl-clutching in some Republican quarters when Donald Trump condemned the Iraq war and said President Bush should have been impeached for it, because Republican bulls always defer to Republican hawks. It’s how business gets done. Tons of cash flows from the government to businesses that are plugged into the military-industrial complex.

Trump, if you study his financial career, has done pretty damn well in real estate and television. Sure he’s had bankruptcies. I’d suffer some bankruptcies too if I could end up the 324th richest person in the world. He can afford to thumb his nose at all those Republican bulls that finance the ‘traditional’ slate of candidates this year.

Traditional candidates take on debt to finance their campaigns compared to non-traditional ones who self-finance their campaign like Trump, Ross Perot, and Steve Forbes. This gives Trump much more maneuverability when campaigning than his opponents.

A consummate promoter and salesman, Trump’s core platform pitch is about creating and raising wages for jobs, and taking care of wounded soldiers. U.S.-China trade reform, Veteran’s Administration reform, tax reform, and immigration reform are all tied back into more money going to more jobs, and you certainly can’t support soldiers unless you support guns and the VA, which also explains his support of Second Amendment rights. His campaign has zeroed in on two defining issues of our era and he’s selling like crazy.

Everyone knows that Donald Trump is full of bullshit. He makes outrageous claims and promises, is self-contradictory over time, and has a known history of saying provocative things to gain free press coverage. He’s a salesman. And like most good salesman, he will promise anything to close the deal and then figure out how to deliver afterwards.

Most importantly, for all of his checkered financial history, he has gotten shit done by hook or crook and become the 324th-richest person in the world. It doesn’t matter if what falls out of his mouth during the campaign is true or fascist because Hillary Clinton can’t compete where he is playing and winning.

Hillary and Bill Clinton only have a net worth between $11 and $53 million according to her public presidential election filing. Clinton’s last run for president left her deeply in debt so it’s reasonable to assume she’s taking on lots of debt to finance this campaign as well.

In a Trump/Clinton matchup, which is looking increasingly likely, Trump would eviscerate her on the economic front. His wealth and the fact that he earned it outside of the military-industrial complex will make it deadly simple for him to point out how beholden she is to those same special interests that are Holding America Back by shipping jobs overseas and letting illegal immigrants take what jobs are left, leaving our troops without the care they need, and supporting the current tax structure.

Couple that with his, ‘I’m in charge, I’m the CEO,’ attitude, and you can easily imagine political interns sifting through hours of C-SPAN video looking for key Clinton quotes to drive a narrative about how she’s a consensus-builder who works best by committee and making her look as effective as Michael Dukakis did wearing a helmet and riding around in a tank, except Hilary doesn’t have a choice about her ride.

Short of Trump doing something actually stupid like shooting someone on purpose or the Republican Party defrocking him and putting Ted Cruz in his stead as the party nominee, he’s got this one in the bag because his message of jobs and soldiers turns the Republican base out to vote for him in a way his Republican competition can’t match because their voter-suppression techniques are tuned for Democrats, not another Republican candidate.

Place your bets accordingly.

© 2016 Heather Kilbourn

Democracy

The flags are folded for a future day
The rally cries are silent in the books
Yet shouts now fill the streets
At Democracy’s rough grabbing
By those who see her travail

Boastful winners mock and laugh
Blinded by a future writ from the past
Where they may yet come to wonder
Who will cry for them
If we’re gone?

©Heather Kilbourn

Ronald Reagan writes Mitt Romney – A #RomneyRyan2012 #obama Short Story

Dear Mitt,

I’m not voting for you even though I was one of those undecided voters who seriously considered it.

I tried, I really tried.

You were the winner of Republican Idol, for darn sakes! Who doesn’t like a winner? Losers, that’s who.

But I’ve learned that you’re really a cargo cult of other people’s terrible ideas.

I was going to text, but I didn’t want you to have my phone number.

YouTube was completely out, because I didn’t want you to see me and I’m having a very bad hair month.

Twitter was like your own beliefs, too short and ephemeral.

And I couldn’t use Pinterest because I couldn’t think of a clever e-card or find one that would work.

Facebook, was, well, Facebook, and I didn’t want to surpise my friends, family, acquaintances, and people I’ve forgotten how I know until I told you first because it’s a manners thing. I didn’t want to run the risk of you asking me why I did it before I got a chance to tell you why I did it.

So here we are.

Since the Internet is such a small place nowadays and we might just have people from our respective camps mingle and speculate on if I might change my mind, I wanted to publicly avow now and here before the world that we are never going to be a thing together and that I think you are a self-righteous, uptight, hypocritical, boring, lame, overreaching, cold oligarch of the worst sort that extracts instead of invests, and that I still I love my friends even if they’re voting for you.

We had some good times together looking at your hair and forehead, and laughing our way through the primary at the nutbags you had to crawl over in order to grovel in front of us today, but neither excuse your boorish, sexist, misogynistic, paternalistic behaviors and philosophies, nor your twin, idiotic, anti-thought, reactionary, spreadsheet-selected excuses that are your policies and your running mate.

Dan Quayle looks like an elder statesman in more than age compared to Paul Ryan. Do you know how hard that is for everybody else but John McCain?

Staged photo-ops in soup kitchens? Not what, but who the fuck came up with that one? I’ll take the risqué carving from South America flashed to the press any day of the year instead. At least Dan’s handlers had a sense of humor unlike the useless, cynical charlatans in your employ.

If, on the odd chance you actually win, I will continue to agitate and ferment my personally-held beliefs about you amongst the populace while respecting the process by which you were elected.

Sincerely,
Ronald Reagan

P.S. – Did you know that Jane Goodall’s laywers once tried to sue everybody on the Internet who said something bad about her?

P.P.S. – This article is a parody and should be considered satire, and is in no way designed to suggest that Dr. Jane Goodall or any of her registered agents has ever authorzied or consented to the use of her name to sell foreskin slippers, or that Mitt Romney is anything other than an upstanding and outstanding candidate for President of the United States.

P.P.P.S. – No llamas were harmed writing this.

P.P.P.P.S. – I’m very sorry that I used foreskin and Mitt Romney in the same sentence. Lawyers, and all.